Being Sick on Chol ha-Moed
בס"ד/BS"D
(Sorry if this post poses more questions than answers. That’s pretty much my MO.)
I was sick this week. Just a sinus infection. Nothing really. But nonetheless, this minor ailment was totally debilitating and resulted in me spending most of Chol ha-Moed (the intermediate ‘non-holy’ days of the festival of Sukkot) in my caravan. I forget which philosopher said this--one of the German, ‘H’, ones I’m pretty sure--that we live life in two modes, the active and the contemplative. We don’t really reflect on what we’re doing in the active mode, and we aren’t really doing much when we’re reflecting and processing. We go through a time of moving through the world, acting, gathering experiences, and a time of processing all that data, sifting meaning and value out of our experiences, shaping them into a narrative that we can live with. It seems to me that being sick is the epitome of the latter state. We are literally forced to sit and contemplate, and refrain from active ‘doing’ in the world.
So what was I thinking about? Mostly what’s happening in my life: girlfriend, family, studies. But occasionally, when I was just lucid and inspired enough my thoughts would drift to issues of theological import, at least as pertaining to myself. Why did Hashem decide I should be sick this week? Is this a form of kaparah (atonement)? And if so, why did he wait until AFTER Yom ha-Kippurim to exact retribution? Perhaps because I’ve stepped down from the level of spiritual instensity and commitment I was holding by during Elul (the month leading up to Rosh ha-Shannah), which is really the state I should be in all the time? Maybe Hashem held the illness back a few weeks just so I could do the avodah (service) I was doing during that time, and just let it catch up with me now?
In any case, all I can really say is that I know it is/was for the good (גם זה לטובה), and thank G!d for giving me the ‘medicine’ I surely, for some reason, needed right at this moment. On the other hand, as a Jew, I know that part of the test in challenging our physical strength is in seeing how we respond to that challenge. How tenaciously do we cling to life? Do we take our antibiotics l’shem shamayim (for the sake of Heaven), so that we can get well and get back to doing Torah and Mitzvoth, or so that we can feel good for our own sake?
In any case, I went to the doctor right away, got some anti-biotics, and am now feeling pretty darn good, luckily just in time to dance like a maniac on Simchat Torah, basking in the light and love of He who gave the Torah to His people; rejoicing that we have been given this tree of life to grasp to, dancing with the Torah in arms like a precious Jewel, like a loved one, hugged and kissed and held tight as we circle the room in joyous praise, raising the holy sparks through song and dance.
Chag sameach!
(Sorry if this post poses more questions than answers. That’s pretty much my MO.)
I was sick this week. Just a sinus infection. Nothing really. But nonetheless, this minor ailment was totally debilitating and resulted in me spending most of Chol ha-Moed (the intermediate ‘non-holy’ days of the festival of Sukkot) in my caravan. I forget which philosopher said this--one of the German, ‘H’, ones I’m pretty sure--that we live life in two modes, the active and the contemplative. We don’t really reflect on what we’re doing in the active mode, and we aren’t really doing much when we’re reflecting and processing. We go through a time of moving through the world, acting, gathering experiences, and a time of processing all that data, sifting meaning and value out of our experiences, shaping them into a narrative that we can live with. It seems to me that being sick is the epitome of the latter state. We are literally forced to sit and contemplate, and refrain from active ‘doing’ in the world.
So what was I thinking about? Mostly what’s happening in my life: girlfriend, family, studies. But occasionally, when I was just lucid and inspired enough my thoughts would drift to issues of theological import, at least as pertaining to myself. Why did Hashem decide I should be sick this week? Is this a form of kaparah (atonement)? And if so, why did he wait until AFTER Yom ha-Kippurim to exact retribution? Perhaps because I’ve stepped down from the level of spiritual instensity and commitment I was holding by during Elul (the month leading up to Rosh ha-Shannah), which is really the state I should be in all the time? Maybe Hashem held the illness back a few weeks just so I could do the avodah (service) I was doing during that time, and just let it catch up with me now?
In any case, all I can really say is that I know it is/was for the good (גם זה לטובה), and thank G!d for giving me the ‘medicine’ I surely, for some reason, needed right at this moment. On the other hand, as a Jew, I know that part of the test in challenging our physical strength is in seeing how we respond to that challenge. How tenaciously do we cling to life? Do we take our antibiotics l’shem shamayim (for the sake of Heaven), so that we can get well and get back to doing Torah and Mitzvoth, or so that we can feel good for our own sake?
In any case, I went to the doctor right away, got some anti-biotics, and am now feeling pretty darn good, luckily just in time to dance like a maniac on Simchat Torah, basking in the light and love of He who gave the Torah to His people; rejoicing that we have been given this tree of life to grasp to, dancing with the Torah in arms like a precious Jewel, like a loved one, hugged and kissed and held tight as we circle the room in joyous praise, raising the holy sparks through song and dance.
Chag sameach!
posted by Eitan at 14:33
1 Comments:
What do you mean by "Hippie Rant"?? i ain't no hippie... and I would be interested in knowing what was the point of coterminus forus. I won't be there for dancing with the Torah-- i am elsewhere, hopefully dancing with the Tanakh
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